Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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