She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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