I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
