I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dicks are not precious.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
