You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
