If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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