the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
