I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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