I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
