Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
