I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
