Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
