Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
