I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
