Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
