haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
