Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
