Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
