last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
