Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
