My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize