please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
