Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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