By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
