I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
