she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
