You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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