there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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