I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
