well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
