Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
