oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
