We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
