K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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