I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
