Me. At least after what I've been through.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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