you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
