It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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