Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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