ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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