My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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