so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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