Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
