He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
