I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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