I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
