R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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