Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
