youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
