Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
