Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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