he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
