She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
