I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
