I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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