Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
