i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
