i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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