Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
