U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
