The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize