She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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