That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
