I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You were trust falling into bushes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
