I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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