why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
