whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am one with the molecules
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
