She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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