you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
