I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
