you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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