cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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