Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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