the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
