Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
