she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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